To begin I just wanted to let you all know that the Jaredites used the word "Tight" way before any of use. Ask Brooks, I'm sure he knows.
Anyway, it's that time of year where we all look back at how little we've changed over the year or rather how little we've improved while changing alot. Thus is the case with me. I turned my facebook page into a "Timeline" which is actually pretty cool but unfortunately it also allowed me to look back at my facebook in 2007 WAY too easily. As I looked back at my full timeline(2007-now) then I realized how much I've changed and grown into a cynical, sarcastic, commie hating adult. It was weird just to be able to see posts on my wall and what I posted on other walls at my young age. So while I have grown from a more naive teenager to a slightly less naive man-boy. I think I've grown positively in accomplishments and world knowledge, but it has definitely made me more cynical and critical of the world as a whole while my intelligence as a youth made me cocky even though I'm basically on the same level as my peers now, so I just come off as a conceited moron. I can't say I'm happy with the person I am now, but I'm also not disgusted, so that isn't a bad thing. I don't fear Brandon Lee coming back to life and hunting me down, but I still fear death because I'm NOT making the 1st string in heaven.
Anyway, enough with general long term growth, in the last year as a whole then I also haven't done that much growing in positive terms, particularly spiritually. This year I have the added benefit of knowing how little I've improved because I wrote down NYRs on my iPhone and can read what I was supposed to do instead of just forgetting about it. I did get better about going to the gym, probably became slightly healthier(now I may live to 31 before the heart attack hits) but I have almost never attended church this year even when given the opportunity, I rarely read scriptures and rarely pray and as a whole don't really feel like a "Mormon" anymore. I'm LDS in my words(well, not ALL my words) but not my actions because I simply lack actions to do good things. I can't think of anything BAD I've done this year but I've also done nothing positive, but par for the course is OK, right? Wrong. I believe that life is very much like an escalator, if you aren't moving your feet then you're going down. So, because I'm cut short on time by the need of sleep for mission then I'll just leave it at that. More later, perhaps. This year should be better?
Well, I feel your pain about not necessarily improving much in the spiritual department. Just remember, another day is another chance to do better! Don't give up on yourself or you will never feel that great. Just start small. Put a scripture in your pocket and read it everyday. Then try one near where you sleep. Maybe say a prayer every time you are on the potty. Start small and work your way up to feeling better.
ReplyDeleteOh, and you should probably make a 2012 goal to visit your West Virginia family!
ReplyDeleteHonest assessment is good for the soul, Phillip, as long as you think to yourself, "Okay! That was then and this is now." Then press forward and know that we have the Atonement. It's still Christmas Day, Ebenezer!
ReplyDeleteWe love you, man-boy! ;)
PS It's little efforts, day by day, that add up to positive change. If you don't want to try, pray for the desire to. If you mess up, try again, no matter how many times that happens.
ReplyDeleteRemember...effort is what counts and what will bring results over time, when you have almost given up hope. Don't ever give up, Phillip. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!"
(Btw, you probably have some PTSD, as well.)