Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Is my Peter Pan complex showing?
So, I don't want to grow up. I don't really think I ever REALLY wanted to grow up except when I was playing army as a kid and now that I know what real army is like, I'm done and can go back to being 6. I hate the idea of having real responsibilities that have large repercussions and having to do adult things. I hate relationships(this is an entirely different rant, but in short you women make great friends but go CRAZY in relationships and I'm not an RM so I'm not good dating stock anyways) I hate having to make payments, I love working but I hate bosses I feel like they're rarely smarter than me but somehow they are paid more and in charge of me and have god complex, I hate having to be knowledgeable, and I REALLY hate the fact that if I'm doing nothing to progress in life then everyone will look down on you. You know what I'm saying here? I obviously have some life aspirations(meet Chris Nolan, witness a collapsing star, ect) but when I get out of the army then I feel like doing NOTHING for a while and since I won't be able to get into BYU-I in the fall then that means I'll will have the chance to sit around for the winter. I'll be able to get unemployment for 3 years or so and I think I'll do it so I can just enjoy being free for a while, but I don't want to introduce myself as someone freshly out of the army, I don't want people to know I was in the army, I just want to be "Phillip" you know? But normal conversation goes along the lines of "Oh, I haven't seen you in a while what are you doing now?" and when I go "I'm sitting around seeing how many marshmallows I can shove in mouth on any given Monday afternoon" and you can see it in a persons face as they go "Oh...And what about after that? You have a job or are planning on school?" I don't want to have to validate myself to them, and the army IS a way of validating it in a sense to where when I tell people that have known me for a while that I'm planning on doing nothing then they all say something along the lines of "Good for you!" "You've earned it!" or such but I shouldn't have to do that. This is America, home of the lazy, don't look down on me for not wanting to do anything for a while.