Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Can't sleep and I feel reform coming.

Its not that I feel reform coming, but that I've felt bad about certain things in my life for a long time and rather than change them I just let them sit. Not sure why I do that, but I do. I guess until I'm unhappy with my overall life then I don't mess with anything. But I feel like I need changes. One of those changes is just with this blog. Right now, even I'm bored with it. That's not a good thing. I made it so that I could keep in touch with everyone, but I rarely talk about anything that really matters, how I feel about anything, I just post some short paragraph and get off of it. Worst of all, when I read it then it feels very juvenile, like something that would be read as a narrative to a crappy teen movie, not even a good one. So, I guess I'm going to try and do better on here about all that, even if it means devoting some actual time and effort to this.
The other day then my plane was delayed and while I was waiting then I decided to make a list of New Years Resolutions. Not that I buy into the "Once a year self improvement" I generally have some goals in mind but I never dedicate them to paper(or in this case, phone memory) so maybe having written them down will help me keep track of them and make some good progress. We'll see. At any rate, I'll share a few of my goals with you, and why they're goals of mine.
1)Go to the gym 5 days a week, including Saturday. This is in addition to the normal army stuff in the mornings, but I need to improve my fitness for this deployment and just so I can be happier about when I pig out.
2)Stop sleeping in till noon or later on days off. This just makes me feel like a slug and then I get into the habbit of it, and I miss out on precious time that I could be doing something important, or just slacking off awake, so I don't slack off later when something important comes up. I'm really bad about that, and if you don't know what "that" is allow me to explain. Sometimes I'll sleep till noon, wake up and play some games and then I'll get a call from someone who isn't a great friend, but still a friend, and he might say something semi fun we could do and rather than go out and hang out then I'll think to myself "Well, I haven't played this game or watched this episode and I could do that now" and I end up not going out. So, if I wake up at say nine-ish then I can watch TV and shower and play games and then when someone calls then I can be like "Heck yeah! Let's go do that mediocre thing I normally wouldn't enjoy doing but am going to do now out of boredom!"
3)Be more hygenic on days off. Again, I'm notorious for just lounging, and on lounge days then I just don't do ANYTHING. I mean wake up, cereal, games and tv all day, sleep. No shower, deodorant, ect. because I just think "Meh, I'm not planning on leaving today, what's the point." so I should change that. Good habbits, people, stay with me.
4)Ok, this next one is a bit more personal, but I was trying to get one of my good friends of mine(or I felt like we were good friends) to talk to me, because I had a semi important question that needed answering and I felt like she would know something good to say about it, and EVERY time I would call then I'd get no answer and then a text back saying "Hey, can't talk now, what's up?" or something to that extent, and that's gone on for a pretty long time, but I never thought much of it, but this time I told her I really wanted to talk and she wouldn't find the time to answer, so after a bit of talking(texting) then I got her to say that she was intimidated by me, and felt like every time we talked on the phone or in person then she didn't like it because she didn't have time to think about what she was going to say, so she always avoided it. We talked for a bit, but the point it this, I need to let the people who I care about in my life KNOW that I care about them and how I think they're awesome. I might be quick to poke fun at someone for something stupid they've done or said, but I never say a mean thing with the purpose of making someone feel bad, just providing everyone else with something to laugh at, does that makes sense? I mean, I'll make fun of myself if I do or say something stupid, too. Anyway, another bullet for working on.
5)Read scriptures and pray 6 nights a week. Again, hard habbit to build, easy to lose. I lost it, and I need it back. Going alongside this one is going to church every sunday possible. I often make up lame excuses for not going AKA too tired, football game on, ect. I still feel like a good spiritual person, but these things will help me. I REALLY do want to go on a mission after I'm out of the army, and there are a few things that make me not want to, but at my core then I NEED to go on one. When I was younger than it was all I wanted to do, and I honestly could never feel like a complete man unless I can someday tell my kids about where I did my mission and bore all my family members with pictures. I guess that comes down to wanting to be an example, and I think I could get away with saying "Oh, no I was in the army instead of doing a mission" and I'd feel fine to every adult I'd talk to about it, but when it comes to a)dating girls and b)one day raising kids then there is no reason to NOT go on a mission. I always feel like crap when I meet a really awesome new LDS girl and at some point then they think "I wonder where he went on his mission" and I have to say that I haven't gone yet, I could not take it if I was older and trying to date and I just said I didn't go. I wouldn't feel right raising a boy and telling him about how important a mission is and then saying "Oh, but I didn't go, I had better things to do." Even if he was only 8 the first time we talked about it, I'm sure he'd always remember that I didn't go, and it doesn't make him want to go, like seeing Ben go made me want to go. So, even though I want to be a good person to make my family, future wife and kids, the Utah Jazz, and all those other important people proud then I want to do it for me, so I can feel good about myself.
Yeah, that's about all of that I can think of right now. But, its up to you guys to keep pestering me about how I'm doing with them and making sure I'm staying on top of things.
I'm still not tired so let's talk about leave some.
Well, I got in town on the 18th or so and didn't do much that first night, just kinda hung out but the next day at church I ran into Andrew and me and him and we hung out for the next couple of days, not doing anything really exciting, but just lazing around and playing games like we used to do. Me and Andrew have this rare superpower that no matter how long it's been since we've seen each other, as soon as we see each other again than it's like we just saw each other yesterday. It's pretty awesome, because there is never any awkward goodbyes or hellos.
One Monday after I came then Andrew and I decided to go to lunch at Lazy D's, my friend Devvon's eatery, in Shelly and then go see Tron. We both got philly cheese steaks and were going to split a family fry. For those of you that don't know what a family fry is there are only two things you need to know:1)Go to Lazy D's, its amazing and 2)Its a giant monstrosity of fries made for large families, and almost no families actually finish it. Anyway, about halfway through my PCS I decided that it was important for us to finish that family fry. About 5 fries after that, Andrew decided he was done....We were only about 100 fries into this 700 fry project. I did the only thing I could do. The thing a real man would do. I ate fry after fry until it hurt. Then I continued to shove fries down my throat at the blazing fast pace of about 1 fry per minute. My epic struggle went on in this fashion for about another 40 minutes, and with about 100 fries left then I heard the fat lady warming her voice up and wanted to cry. I unbuttoned my pants and continued to drearily eat the fries. 50 left and I wanted to vomit with each fry. For the last hour or so people were telling me that I was crazy and to stop and that they didn't understand why I was doing it and all I could say was "I told myself I'd finish" between sobs. About 30 fries to go, and I did the unthinkable. I gave up. I could hardly move anymore I was so full and my legs had begun to fill in with fries. I may not have won this round, but I'll be back again....In several years.
Other fun things from leave. Well, I had wanted to see Lindsey Nelson at some point, but she was busy until after Christmas, and so was Lauren and Nathan was busy working and so on and so on. So, up until Christmas then I just lazed around and watched TV, but I'm ok with that, it was fun.
On Christmas Eve then I ended up coercing Ben into playing some basketball with me on the X-box and ended up losing track of time, but it was fun, and the next thing I knew it was 11 PM and I had to be at Mel's and Danny's house for the night, so I went over there. Doc was asleep downstairs in the same room I was going to be in, so I could snuggle with him on the couch(HA!) or sleep on their love seat. The love seat didn't seem like a bad idea at the time, so I got up on it and got ready to get to bed and then I realized that it didn't recline so I'd have to sleep on it sideways and put my head on the arms. Then I found out that both the arms seem to have had all their stuffing surgically removed by small child sized hands and were now just a layer of clothe over wood. That wasn't going to work. So, I sadly slunk down to the floor and curled up cat style and only got stepped on about 10 times as Leto walked over me. I swear he hit me with each of his four feet every time he walked by. I was woken far earlier than I'd prefer(noon, remember?) by Tristan who was saying I needed to come up to open presents and I told him I'd be up soon, and then rolled over and went back to sleep. Around 30 seconds later then Alex was there. And then Tristan again. Seeing I couldn't win this battle, I got up and went upstairs with them and we did the whole Christmas thing. It was pretty nice, I ate far too much candy, but I regret nothing, except the next morning chocolate hang over. We ended up going to Ben and Linda's for dinner and the next day the family, including Haley, Dallin, Hunter, Chris and two of his boys, all got together at Mel's and Danny's for a Christmas get together and that was nice to see everyone. I ended up going downstairs with the kids and we made a blanket fort that went OVER the TV and watched Stewart Little in there. Feel free to be in awe of my fort making prowess.
The next day I hung out with Nathan and Whitni in the morning, and Lindsey in the night and that was fun. The next day Lindsey and I went on a date, and that was pretty fun, too. The next week or so was just hanging out with various people like Devvon and Nathan and Whitni.
One night I was hanging out with Devvon and we were on our way to Subway when I got a phone call from Lauren, who I had been trying to hang out with for a while but she's ALWAYS busy since she's moving and trying to say goodbye to everyone, and she had a squirrel in her house and needed to me come and get it out. So, I went over there and met her and Courtney Williams there and they said the squirrel was in the family room, so I opened the door to the outside and tried to chase him out, and after about a half hour of searching for him to no avail I decided that he must have run out, but she kept a trap on her table, just in case. Even though it was to chase a squirrel out and we didn't get to hang out much, I was glad to see her. In case you were wondering, she ended up getting the squirrel in the trap the next day, I felt very immasculated by it, but at least she got it.
I ended up eventually convincing Lauren to go on a date with me, since that seemed the only way I could hang out with her and this just so happened to be the day that Ben needed help moving ALOT of crap out of an old house. A few days earlier he had been told that if he moved it he could keep whatever he wanted, and I had agreed to help him. We started moving and it was WAY more stuff than we had imagined. I had showered that morning, but after moving stuff all day and playing with the dust bunnies than my deoderant didn't stand a chance. We eventually got done at 5 and I had just enough time to shower again in time for the date(cutting it a bit close) and since I had spent all day moving that then I had put absolutely NO thought into the date, except to worry that I had one that evening. As such, I had no idea what do to or where to go, so I last minute checked Fandango and got tickets for How Do You Know and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, just in case she didn't want to see How Do You Know because of its rating. We ended up going to TGIF and eating and then seeing HDYK(guess the extra tickets were moot, all well) and even though it was a good date then I felt bad. The last time I took her on a date then I was sixteen and Curtis had proposed a double date to the sand dunes and we organized the date in about 45 minutes for a fire out there with hot dogs and smores and it turned out badly planned. Curtis forgot the fire started or any fire source, so he went and got that with his date while Lauren and I played frisbee. Then he remember that hot dogs need condiments and left to get that while Lauren lit everything she could fit into the fire on fire. Eventually the date came together, and it actually turned out a good date, as did this one, but the moral is the same, I am incapable of planning a date out well as long as she's involved.
The next few days were basically just the goodbyes and nothing else REALLY exciting. It was a good leave break, I wish I had another.
I was really sad on Sunday to be leaving and the plane ended up getting delayed(remember that story?) which made me irritated, but it turned out to be a small blessing in a disguise. I ended up talking to this cute girl who was in the army while we were delayed and about 3 hours after were were supposed to have landed then the finally boarded the plane and it turns out that we had been seated next to each other, which was awesome. We ended up talking the whole flight even though we were both way tired, but she was just amazing, and I was enjoying talking too much to sleep. We ended up exchanging phone numbers at the end of the flight and she's here are FLW for a while, so that made a real crap day into a great day.
After getting my bags I met up with Harry and Kevin and we left STL. Kevin went to sleep in the back and me and Harry caught up with the last few weeks events and talked the whole way back and just jammed out so music we love. We got back this morning at 6 and my leave was officially over.
Now its 1 AM and I need to be at work at 630, so I guess I should go to sleep. Hopefully I can keep up with good posts like this, keep pestering me when I don't.


  1. Philly,
    I loved hearing about your goals, and your trip to Idaho! I hadn't really heard anything about your time there so it was fun to read. Glad you saw Devin again. Too bad you go so close to finishing the fries but had to stop! You'll have to practice before you go back. Will Devin put your picture on the wall?
    Sounds like you have some great goals too. I really hope you go on a mission after the army. It seems to help so much in developing people into what they want to be. We have some great missionaries here. You never know, maybe you'd be sent here and you'd finally get to see us again!

  2. I was laughing so hard about you eating all the fries, especially the part about you unbuttoning your pants, I read it out loud to Dallin and we laughed and laughed. :) Those sound like very good goals, I think I need to write some down too, but I get too overwhelmed when I realize how much I need to change! I'm glad you had such a nice leave, I hope you come back this summer or sooner. Keep writing on here!

  3. Wow, that's great that you feel the press to set some goals for yourself - especially that you have long-term goals, but short-term goals that will help you get there.
    I think it's good to do what you propose about your daily schedules. Reading the scriptures puts me in the frame of mind to do the rest, and I enjoy the feeling of doing some work each day along with the play.
    I think you are so right about going on a mission, too!
    I was delighted with your tale of the family fries you almost conquered. So funny!
    Keep writing! We love you.